


Nerves Naked and Muscles Numb (You're Dislocated. Don't Be Like That.)

by ifallonblackdays_fics



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Light self-harm (more like an unhealthy coping mechanism), introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 22:56:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11999658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifallonblackdays_fics/pseuds/ifallonblackdays_fics
Summary: Alec is dislocated. Magnus brings him back.





	Nerves Naked and Muscles Numb (You're Dislocated. Don't Be Like That.)

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little drabble I wrote to exorcise my PTSD acting up. 
> 
> Trigger Warning:  
> \- PTSD (Alec doesn't have it, but this ficlet was spurred by a PTSD episode and everyone suffering from it will be able to tell. So if you're struggling, please be warned that that's where this drabble comes from.)  
> \- Unhealthy coping mechanisms  
> \- Self-harm

Alec is raw. Split open. Dislocated. Nerves naked and muscles numb. He breathes like he doesn’t know how. Like air doesn’t matter or like it matters too much. The rhythm is heavy and erratic and not steady enough that he can take comfort from the gulping sounds that escape his lips. 

His heart is a rock inside his chest. It hurts when it slams against his ribcage, like Alec’s body is not enough to contain it. Not enough to contain all of him. Like his insides want to escape. His skin crawls like it’s suddenly too tight. It’s like he no longer fits into his body. 

Nerves naked and muscles numb. He’s hyperaware and not aware at all, at the same time. Alec doesn’t feel. He’s trapped inside his body, but his brain is not there. It’s not working properly. It’s not sending the right signals. 

Nerves naked and muscles numb. Dislocated. 

That’s why he does it. 

_“You hope the pain here will overpower the pain there,”_ Magnus once told him. 

But it’s not like that. Alec isn’t trying to overpower anything. He’s just trying to feel. Something. _Anything._ Alec is trying to get his body back. 

That’s why he shoots arrow after arrow until his hand bleeds. And when it starts bleeding, he doesn’t stop. Because the pain is clearly not sharp enough to bring him back into his body. Nerves naked and muscles numb. 

“Alexander.” 

Until Magnus is there. Until Magnus pries the bow and arrow out of his hands. Until Magnus wraps his arms around him. 

And then it’s nerves naked and muscles on fire. And Alec breathes.


End file.
